Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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