There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize