I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
