I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
