Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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