just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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