Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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