We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
