my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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