Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
