TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
