is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
