Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
