My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
