i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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