i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
