If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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