My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
