Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
