my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
