Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize