Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
