; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
