I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize