yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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