3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
