well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
