i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
