Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
