The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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