so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
