Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize