you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
how does that bad decision feel?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
