we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
