rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
