I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize