alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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