I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
