Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
