no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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