hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
