I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
