I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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