I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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