Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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