and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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