Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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