I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
