just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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