You can't motorboat a personality
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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