You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
