Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
