if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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