If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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