is your mom at the bar?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize