Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
