my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
