How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
