I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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