AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
