Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
