I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
