Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
