im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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