You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
