Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
