The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
