I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
