Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
