What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
