I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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